Stillness

Sometimes your life just stands still. For some people it only lasts for a moment. Then they notice the world rushing by and they hurry to follow. Others lie still for a very long time, watching the world slip away and all the time wishing it would just stop. After all, why rush to meet it if you don't have anywhere to go?

Sometimes life changes very fast and suddenly everything is different. In the last few years, my life has been rushing along at a very fast speed. I was thrown headlong into adulthood without even realizing it.

So now everything comes to a screeching halt and I find myself lost and alone in the silence. Outside the world rushes on into a new day, but I don't hurry to follow. Too afraid to go into the unknown, I stand still, turning to look back to where I've been and where I wish to return. The future stretches before me like a blank empty plain and I stand still.

Everyone experiences a time in their life when they just want to lay down and die. Only with most people it's just a thought that flits through their mind. Not me. Sometimes it lasts a day, sometimes a year. You get used to it though. You get your appetite back, you start sleeping again. But you always have to battle the demon to get out of bed in the morning. At first you just sleep, but soon you find that you're just staring at the ceiling so you get up and try to do something. Anything not to notice the world flying by while you stand still.

After awhile you just become numb. Getting up only because you can no longer sleep. Sometimes you panic because you are so still. You wonder if you'll ever find a way to start again. But then you become afraid, creeping back into bed and the dreams that are so much more real than your life. A thousand times you try to tell yourself that you'll try and start tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes the demon is waiting once again.

I don't want to be here all of my life. I want to move forward, but I don't know where to even begin. I've lost my way and I'm weary. Weary with the burden of this heavy heart. I'm too tired to struggle down a dozen wrong paths before I find my own.

So I sit here watching moon turn into sun as time goes marching on, wishing for an answer so that I can start again into the neverending stream of time that keeps rushing, rushing by.

- Darshann ©1994
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Books to read...

To help you muddle through and find your way out of stillness, I strongly recommend the following books:

Tolkein's The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy - The best fantasy-adventure ever written!! This is the grandfather of all fantasy. Read it to yourself or your kids.

Winnie the Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner - Fun for all ages, read aloud to others or yourself and try using a different voice for each character.

Out on a Limb Shirley MacLaine - A great book about beginning the spiritual journey understanding why we seem to love the wrong people. Discovering past lives and that there is much more to life than the day to day.
Dancing in the Light Shirley MacLaine - I liked this one better than the first. In this book Shirley really starts digging into her spirituality to get at what holds us back as well as pushes us forward. Insight into the way the Universe works, Karma, past life connections, and more... this book will blow your mind!

Conversations with God: an uncommon dialogue. book 1, vol 1 - A really interesting book that will change the way you look at life and perhaps how you live it - even if you don't fully buy that it is God talking.
Conversations with God: Answers to life's great questions. Creating your desires, facing life's challenges, making relationships. book 1, vol 2 - In this book we begin to get into how to apply what was explored in the first volume to your personal life (what we need to be happy).
Conversations with God: Mastering everyday life: Defining your values, making money, staying healthy. book 1, vol 3 - In this book it is explained how to apply what was explored in the first volume to the mundane life (what we need to survive).

(You can follow the above links to for fast, easy and cheap purchase.)