Title: Whispers in the Dark (5/7) PG-13
Author: Darshann (Kiss)
Spoilers: RPS, Surrender
Setting: post-RPS, pre-Surrender
Disclaimer: Women in love, who knew? Kim, Kerry, et al... not mine, but I WUV them.
I'm relaxed now, my fingers trail along the water's surface, lazily noting the temperature. Perfect. I shut off the heater so it doesn't get hotter and dangle my feet into the tub, while I wait for Kerry to appear.
The few minutes away from Kerry have done me a world of good. Or maybe, to be more precise... the few minutes alone in my room with my vibrator ... have done me a world of good. Sparky sure does come in handy at times. And what a wonderful orgasm, the image of Kerry between my legs produced. Can't wait for the real thing.. yeah... well... patience.
I pull my toes through the water, feeling the bubbles slide around the tiny digits. It's my pride and joy this little bit if heaven in my back yard. A fully submerged hot tub with all the special jets.. actually I believe I should call it a Jacuzzi, but that always seems so obnoxiously pretentious. It's a good size, fits maybe 8 people, though rather snuggly and it's easy to get in and out of without too much trouble. I'm silently thankful that I'd decided on a sunken design instead of the above deck version. This way, I know Kerry can handle getting in and out without needing help. There's even a safety railing she can hold on to as she steps down. Sometimes Fate is an eerie thing.
I'm not really one to put much stock into random coincidences. I know Kerry entered my life for a reason, just as I entered hers. Not that I expect it to be easy, mind you... how could anything involving Kerry Weaver be easy? Yet, from the moment I'd first laid eyes on Kerry, I knew that she would become important to me... perhaps already had... before. I just knew her... I wonder if she feels any of this...
"Kim?" Kerry's tentative voice reaches me from inside the house.
I smile to myself, eager to see her face again. "Out here, Kerry."
I hear her tell-tale shuffle coming closer and turn to catch her entrance. Funny, but I had momentarily forgotten that she'd be in a bathing suit. Guess I was pretty successful in getting a handle on my libido while upstairs. Course, it just went out the window...
She's wearing a dark green, full-piece Speedo and God, but her upper body is extraordinary. I guess it takes a lot of strength to use a crutch the way she does. Her shoulders and arms are nicely defined and the suit shows off those assets well. Not to mention her tiny waist and behind. I have this sudden urge to squeeze her ass and quickly look down to gather my wits again.
I feel her moving closer and sense her eyes upon my body. I'm in a purple bikini, one of those new ones where the bottoms are more like shorts. I look good in it. I know I do. I've been told countless times by countless women how great my body is... but I still feel like I'm this lanky bean pole. So I slouch all the time, creating this ever-present hump in my back and crease in my middle. The last remnants of an adolescence spent towering over everyone else. It's so unattractive, my mother's voice whispers in my ears... so I pull my shoulders back and sit up straighter, my spine objecting to the strange sensation.
My eyes meet Kerry's again and I'm immediately struck by the vibrant green in their depths. They seem to change color constantly. I don't think mine do, not like that anyway. She's thankfully forgotten her own awkwardness for the moment, being somewhat distracted by ... well.. me, I guess.
I smile up at her and pat the deck next to me. "Come on, stick your feet in."
She smiles, dubiously eyeing the layout. Then she uses her crutch to lower herself to the deck. As she sits, I notice that her legs are surprisingly normal looking. A little skinny, but nothing unusual. One foot turns in slightly and the same leg bends rather stiffly. I bet the water will feel good on her leg. I'm burning to ask her about it, but sense an impenetrable fortress surrounding the subject and I don't want to ruin the mood. All in good time, all in good time.
I stare down at my feet under the water again, feeling the silkiness flow past my limbs as I nervously move them back and forth. The silence stretches between us. Perhaps getting practically naked with each other so soon wasn't the best move. I'm at a loss again. All the clever words have left my head and all I can think is 'God she's hot'... not terribly impressive banter. Not to mention the fact that I can feel her next to me like some sort of magnetic pull, which is making it very hard to breath.
"Are you ok?"
God she's perceptive sometimes. I turn my head without looking at her. "Yeah, I'm just a little... "
I let out a gasp of air.. and meet her eyes again, relieved that she has broached the subject for me. "Yeah... very." I laugh nervously. "I feel like I'm 13 again."
Kerry is silent for a moment, drinking in my words with large eyes. Why isn't she the nervous one here? Because you're the one in the driver's seat... all she has to do is follow your lead or put on the brakes.
I look away again and mumble softly, "You look beautiful, you know."
"Next to you?" I look up surprised at this question.
The pain on her face is evident. She really doesn't know how beautiful she is... well, does anyone? I think I read somewhere that even super models think they are butt ugly. I have the sudden urge to set the record straight for her... to inject a little reality into those green eyes... even if it only sticks for the next few minutes.
"Do you have any idea what goes through my head every time I look at you?"
Kerry turns her face away, waiting for some invisible blow to her fragile ego. "Kerry.."
"What? 'How on earth can I be interested in someone like her?' "
Ouch! "No, Kerry." I pause and then reach out to pull her face back in my direction. Her eyes trail behind, trying desperately not to meet mine, but she needs to be fully present to hear this... to really take it in... "Look at me, Kerry."
Her eyes slowly focus on me, hesitant and full of fear. This piece of Kerry breaks my heart. I smile gently, my fingers softly caressing her cheek. I sigh. "Every time I look at you, Kerry, I get lost in your eyes. *Your* beautiful eyes. They make me feel weak all over. Every time I see you, Kerry, I think to myself, 'God, she's hot'..."
Kerry jerks her face away, clearly not convinced of my words. "Kerry, I'm not just saying this.... I'm nervous... God, Kerry, I'm so nervous just sitting here like this... I don't know, if I can keep my hands off you much longer."
Kerry turns to me finally, eyes searching mine curiously. "Really? You feel that too?"
I nod, "Every moment I'm near you."
Her smile softly covers her lips as she shyly turns away again. Her red hair shining in the sun, I reach out to touch her and her eyes return. Yes, I get lost in these eyes. These eyes that turn my insides to mush. The soft warmth of her cheek against my fingertips spreads into my palms and suffuses up my arm, spreading though out my body. I tremble as three words suddenly march across my brain, too soon, too fast. I feel the familiar chasm beneath my feet. That one just before diving into a relationship.. will it be mutual? I shut my eyes. How long can I keep from telling you exactly how I feel? God grant me the wisdom, God grant me the strength.. I won't let this gift, this precious gift, slip away. My eyes open again to find her staring at me intensely.
Her eyes are filled with fire again. How does she do that? So much is said in those eyes. I never dreamed they would look at me this way. Asking, pleading... I dip my head and draw her chin closer. My mouth covering hers. Soft skin against soft skin. Wet fire blazing across my soul as we fall into each other. Our mouths and tongues twisting into the hot passion. Trails of ecstasy burning across my flesh.
A moment later, I break away from her lips with an audible smack, my eyes inches from hers. My torso leans over hers, hands placed on the deck to either side of her body. Both of us are breathing hard and I'm far too aware of how little clothing we are wearing. In an attempt to break the tension, I twist my back side off the deck and slide into the water without moving my hands.
Now I'm gazing up at her, her knees pressed into my chest. I slide my hands up the sides of her thighs and find her firm behind. She shudders, but doesn't stop me and this just pushes me further. I continue traveling my hands up stopping at her waist. My fingers wrap around her, applying gentle pressure, sliding her towards me and into the water. To my delight, I find I can easily lift her small form into my arms, which is where she gently floats now, fitting so perfectly against me.
"Does it always feel like this with a woman?" Kerry's lazy voice murmurs against my chest. I smile softly. She's in heaven.... I am too.
I know what she means, that special bone deep intimacy that women can find in each other.. The heart to heart connection that multiplies beyond comprehension when there is a sexual connection as well as emotional. It can be entirely overwhelming, but I've heard from a few sources that there is no exact comparison within the heterosexual couple. Not to the same degree in any case.. and certainly not as often. I think back on my many relationships and flings, testing her question... wondering , even though I already know the answer.
"Not always. Sometimes... when it's good." I whisper into her hair.
"It feels really nice."
"It does to me too."
She shifts in my arms. "You seem to be holding me a lot."
"You fit nicely. .. Does it bother you? I can let you lead, if you want."
Kerry laughs softly. "No, actually, it's nice to be taken care of for once. I have to be the boss all day long, I like having you take control... for a while anyway."
"Right. Wouldn't want to get too used to ordering you around."
"Did I say anything about letting you order me around?"
"Uh... no. What was I thinking?"
"Clearly you weren't, now shut up would you?"
"Sorry, I .."
Okaaaaay, so much for taking control. I chuckle and squeeze her to me, stroking down the back of her head, neck, and shoulders. Her arms snake around my waist, fingers streaking across the flesh of my bare back, leaving shivers in their wake. Tingles spread between my legs, rushing up my front all the way to my throat, catching me off guard. Then I feel her breasts just beneath mine, her nipples turning to hard pebbles against my skin. A flutter starts in my pelvis making me dizzy with arousal. We sigh into each other at the exact same instant. Ooooooh Goooooood! I throw my head back in frustration. Every nerve is on erotic fire and I feel swollen and intensely slippery between my legs.
"Kerry, what are you doing to me?" I say in a low seductive voice.
Kerry raises her head off my chest and looks at me slowly, studying me. My breath is coming out in ragged puffs, mouth hanging open in a silent plea. I feel her rise up on tip toes, her breasts pushing up into mine, dragging the hard pebbles across my own. I shudder in surprise and see the same emotion reflected in her own eyes. Her face nears my own and then she hesitates. Holding herself just a breath away from my lips, not moving. Please kiss me, Kerry. Her eyes gently dilate as she moves ever closer in a maddeningly slow pace. She's teasing me with her new found power. Oh please... And then she's on me and all around me and I don't think I can stop anymore. My arms reach around her, my hands grasping her middle as I lift her up onto one of the ledges in the side of the tub. Her legs bend and lift up off the ground, knees opening and I move to meet her, pushing her against the side of the tub.
There is an audible gasp and physical bolt as her center collides with my own, her legs gripping my hips, pulling me closer. I want you I want you I want you, starts like a mantra in my head, harmonizing perfectly with our rhythmic panting. The kissing grows deeper, no longer of the 'just-kissing' variety, but far into the 'making-love' kind. Her pelvis starts pushing against mine and I respond, my palms cupping her behind as I press back.
Trying to regain my composure, I break away from her lips. Kerry's eyes remain hooded, her chest rising and falling quickly. She looks so incredible right now... God I want her... I dip my head down, kissing first her ears and then traveling down her throat to the crevice at the crux of the neck. I bite across the bend of her shoulder, Kerry arching against me. Oh yes, I want you... NOW. My mouth slides down the front of her chest to the top of her suit, nipping at the bare cleavage that's exposed, but I want more... I want it all. My libido gains ground and soon my hands slide up her back to her shoulders, curling around her bathing suit straps and pulling them down in one motion. I ignore her sharp intake of breath, her small breasts, pink and firm, filling my sight. Seeing the prize just within my grasp, I quickly take one in my mouth and begin sucking...
Kerry immediately gasps and stiffens in my arms. She isn't breathing anymore. Oh fuck, I've gone too fast. I remove my mouth and awkwardly try reinstating her bathing suit straps. But she's already pushing back from me quickly, her hands finding the edge of the tub behind her. She lifts herself back up out of the water and onto the deck, frantically reaching for her crutch. Her eyes are filled with terror. Shit! Shit! Shit! You idiot! "Oh God, I'm so sorry... I got carried away. I'm sorry... Kerry?"
Kerry backs up all the way to the doorway before she stops, breathing heavily as she readjusts her clothing. She doesn't look at me, but I know she's heard me. Her free hand comes up to press against her forehead and she closes her eyes, trying to slow her breathing. I silently rise up out of the water and make my way towards her, but I'm held at bay by a hand that is suddenly held in my path. "Don't," comes the barely audible command. "Just don't."
"I'm sorry, Kerry." Oh God, what did I do? Did I just ruin this? What just happened? "I just thought ... I mean you seemed.. I guess I wasn't really thinking. I'm so sorry, Kerry. Please... it won't happen again until you're ready."
Kerry looks down at her feet, motionless and then turns her head to me slightly. "But I thought I was ready too." Her eyes find mine again, rimmed with tears and filled with confusion. "I don't know wha..." her voice cracks and suddenly she's crying in front of me, her arms flying up to cover her face as she slumps against the glass door.
"Oh... Kerry." I move towards her, wanting to fold her in my arms and tell her it'll all be ok... but she shies away again and I drop my arms limply at my sides. "Please?" But I know it's too late. She's retreating into that shell she carries around with her all the time. She's pulling away from me even while wrapped in her sorrow. I can't help you if you do this.
Slowly the tremors of her body still as her control reasserts itself and her face appears again behind the Dr. Weaver mask. "I... I'm sorry you saw that.... I should.. I should go."
I grip her forearm quickly, not wanting her to move. "No. Please, Kerry... it's ok... you don't have to... it's ok. ... its ok."
Her eyes are wide again, filled with remorse and shame. "No, Kim, it isn't ok. I..." She shakes her head, disgusted with herself. "Please, just let me go."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
She glances at me again, saying nothing. Gently she removes her arm from my grip. Then she pushes the latch on the door and walks back into the house. I follow her silently as she retrieves her things. She slides her jeans and shirt over her bathing suit and steps into her shoes as I stand by, dumbly watching.
Then we're both still again, the air thick with silent screams. I want to shake her. I want to make her stay... Please don't go like this, Kerry.
"You didn't do anything wrong either." She's reading my mind again. Oh if only I'd stopped before I let it go so far...
I dip my head down to her eye level, trying to bring her eyes to mine. "But I did Kerry, I shouldn't have..."
"No." Her gaze that grips me is now determined, forceful. The iron will of Dr. Weaver is back in full strength. Always shouldering the blame like a good little soldier.
I shake my head and step closer. "Kerry..." but before I've taken two steps, she's moved down the hall, flying towards the front door with all the force of her small body.
I stop in my tracks, unwilling to chase after her anymore. She clearly wants to leave... sigh... what's that saying about letting them go...? The sound of the door closing vibrates through the air, then a moment later, an engine starts outside and moves away.
I drop down onto my sofa, getting it all wet and not caring one bit. It was going so well... what the hell happened! Greeeeat... just great. Fuck, Fuck, FUCK! I'm so damn sorry, Kerry. God damn you! And so very fucking angry! Why did you do this to yourself, Kim? You never should have gotten involved with a 'straight girl.' What the hell was I thinking, seducing her in the hot tub on our first real date? Of course she freaked out. Shit shit shit!!
I slam my fists into the cushions, and yell out into the screaming emptiness of my house. "Damn it all to hell, Kerry, don't do this to me!"
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